I still haven't heard anything about the Spain bolster which is a little down hearting but I guess there will always be other opportunities and jobs out there. I've mainly been writing this week to be honest. I have work for the next two weeks so I've had a bit of a me week - not that I don't get enough of those kind of days anyway. It's been nice though, just writing, splurging my thoughts and ideas out. I baked yesterday for my mother and also found out that I am the queen of pancakes. Well maybe not the queen, but I'm better at making them than I expected. I am definitely queen of mess though that is for sure.

The hate the apprehension I feel just because someone is staying at my house this weekend. I just fear that she will be bored, there is nothing worse than being bored at someone elses house. My main problem is that I over anticipate situations - a mild form of social anxiety maybe, I don't know.

Started to notice the trends that are appearing in society more so now than usual. With my work colleagues in seems to be the subject of engagement, the old social group it seems to be how we miss how it used to be, everyone else it seems to be tattoos. With the second I feel torn. I want to be able to just do what we used to do, go to each others houses, watch films, talk, eat or drink - instead of going out and feeling utterly awkward. I am going out next weekend however and I am slightly dreading it but I'll have Charley by my side so I can't back out. This is what I need, someone beside me stopping me from going home too early, to stop me from being anti-social. I just can't wait until I can drive, I'd like to think it would make socialising easy and theoretically it should, it just depends on me changing my mindset as well.

Let's face it, I've always been a social recluse. As a kid I used to say no to my friends when they asked me to come out. I like time to myself, I like being able to sit down on my own and just through my thoughts into word. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being in the company of others, it's just getting me there first. That's one of things I love about Primark. I'm forced into an environment with the people I love and enjoy spending time with. And the fact that there is not a single person that I dislike greatly there right now is a bonus.

I am just word vomiting here - topic hopping as such. I just have a lot to say about a lot of things I suppose. Music right now is a big part of my life for example. Well by 'big part' I mean that I'm just loving it right. I've fallen in love with Laura Marling's album 'I Speak Because I can'. I love the style of the album and her voice is just a breath of fresh air. I simply love it.

I need a project. Something to do, something to create. Something like my pinboard. Though I actually ended up spending more money on that thing than I intended.

2012

I need inspiration, illustrations, photography, literature back in my life. I feel like since I've finished college I just have no will to do anything. I miss doing illustrations in ink, I miss making a mess and playing around on Photoshop, trying to figure the damned software out - and the fact that it was on a Mac and not an old laptop that's close to death (I love you Bert but let's face the facts) made it so much easier. And then whenever I go to write it turns to utter trash. My descriptions, my sentence structure, it's all just gone down the drain. I'm still dabbling in photography though purely in a manner that is just for me. It isn't brilliant, it isn't fantastic, but it's something I enjoy.

For now though my part-time job is my life though. And with how little overtime I am actually getting right now I'm finding it difficult money-wise and it's actually forcing me to consider my future career opportunities. I'm going on a cruise to Norway in May with my grandma and if I enjoy it and get over my fear of the whole Titanic senario (which isn't helped by the fact the recent Costa Concordia ordeal) then I think I may seriously start to consider that as a career direction. Hopefully I'll figure that out this year and if needs be I'll do a course in travel and tourism at Grimsby. I know that I can't stay where I am for the rest of my life but the problem is I'm comfortable, I just need that kick up the arse to get me into motion. I know job opportunities aren't just going to jump into my lap and present themselves to me but honest to God, I will look further into the whole travel business if I do not get this current Spain bolster at work.